As your #TitaOfManila who has tried dating plenty of times (sorry dear parental units, but I dated too many guys without your knowledge) in a span of 5 years, I feel like I have some sort of responsibility to share with you, dear boys and girls, some warning signs that you should be aware of while you are dating. I am obviously not the expert with my success rate of 0%, but maybe you might absorb some wisdom from this super picky Tita :-P
1. He or she changes his/her Facebook profile photo more than a teenager uploads a temporary profile pic.
Sorry to hurt your social media feelings but your date has high probability of being a narcissist. Gym selfies, Tiger photo selfies, More face than background selfies, Selfies with celebrities, Duck face selfies, Selfies showing their luxurious bags/cars- STAY AWAY FROM THEM. THIS IS A WARNING. You will soon find out that he or she perceives that the world revolves around them.
2. He or she whines all the time.
I think this is applicable not just in picking partners but also in choosing friends. Why would you want to be with a negative person? Sure, we all face problems in life but there's no point in ranting about your issues ALL THE TIME. Even if you're a good listener, negative people will suck out all your positive energy. You can never have a healthy relationship with a toxic person.
3. He or she treats waiters, bartenders, drivers, guards, helpers, etc. with rudeness.
There are people in this world who may seem nice to you but they talk down on other people. You’ve seen him/her shout when he or she’s dissatisfied with customer service. He or she disrespects people just because he/she feels entitled that he/she is the boss. It only means one thing: they are not genuinely kind. Be very careful for they will show their true colors soon.
4. He or she talks about his/her ex all the time.
He or she has not clearly moved on from his/her past. If you do not want a rebound relationship, give him/her some plenty of recovery time OR stay away from him/her. He or she is not yet ready.
5. He or she is too clingy and needy.
You only started dating but he or she's already forcing you to give updates on your whereabouts, craves for your attention and companionship 24/7. You're happy when you're together but he/she does not feel happy when you want your "me time." At first it might appear as sweet but you'll soon get annoyed with the other person's controlling ways.
6. He or she does not show interest in your life.
He or she is a great talker. It may seem entertaining; but soon, you will feel insignificant when he/she’s just happy to talk about his/her self. He/she does not even care about how your day went so why waste your time on him/her?
7. He or she wants to change you.
You’ll always meet this date who will try to change you. Debates and suggestions can be OK but when he/she tries to persuade you ALL THE TIME to alter your views, your religion, your lifestyle, and even your physical appearance… then maybe your date has this certain mold that he/she wants you to fill in.
8. He or she is just a fuckboi/fuckgurl.
He/she is only after sex and having a good time. He/she is only after F-U-N so do not think that you could change his/her ways. He/she is simply not the "commitment type."
9. You're always the one initiating.
Dating takes two to tango but if you’re always the one initiating for dates and conversations… then maybe he/she is not into you. Yes, dating can be very painful :(
10. He/she does not excite you.
There’s no spark. There’s no attraction. You just like his/her company. This only means one thing: you’re headed for a platonic relationship :-P Do not convince yourself that you will learn to love him/her for you might just end up hurting his/her feelings.
I know it's hard to find a decent date nowadays but always remember that you should never settle for anyone just for the sake of being in a relationship.
Feel free to comment your dating red flags too ;)
Happy dating, everyone! Spread the love!
I’ve already listed down some of the great things I learned from being single. But as much as I want to glorify the freedom, fun, and independence attached with this powerful status, I (*insert a long sigh*) need to admit that there are certain drawbacks for being a singleton.
I might be under the influence of these unreliable chemical messengers called hormones. Even though it might hurt my ‘lone wolf ego’ a bit, here’s an honest look at the downside of being single, based from my very rich experience:
1. You will sometimes feel lonely, alone, and empty.
We might wear a brave face every day, but sometimes, being single can be depressing. Solitude often kicks in when you have a problem, sickness, or when you have this nightmare called reunions and bring-a-date events. Your ultimate version of horror is when you’re in a room full of couples and kids, and there’s only the corner welcoming you. Or when you have to go to an event and the invitation says your name plus a +1— Sometimes you just want to cross out that evil +1 or hire a handsome smart robot to pose as your date.
2. You will sometimes feel the need of… (cringe) intimacy.
Sometimes, whether we like it or not, life has its ways of making you feel in need of this overrated romance. Blame it on perfect dreamy settings like a white-sand beach on a starry night, sunsets on top of mountains, acoustic concerts, bonfires, rainy cold nights… or (sigh) a romantic film. You sometimes miss those intense kisses, comforting cuddles, sweet caresses, a warm hand to hold on to, a firm shoulder to lean on, or just the thought of being touchy-feely with a significant other.
Lahat naman ng tao ay nahuhumaling sa mga artista. ‘Yung parang sinasambitan ka ng perfect dialogues kaya para bang mapapa-eye-to-eye contact ka sa kanya. Lalo na’t naka-hihimatay ang kanyang titig sa iyo... mala-diyos ang kanyang ngiti... at parang-slowmo ang kanyang bawat galaw sa teleserye o pelikula. Perfect na mukha at katawan, at pati na rin ang kanyang ugali. Kahit may screen sa inyong pagitan, kakatha ka ng ilusyon na para bang kayo ang para sa isa’t isa.
Pero J, hindi ako kagaya ng karamihan na umaasang may pag-asa na mamahalin ako ng isang karakter na iginuhit lang ng mga pelikula. Lalo na’t nagtatrabaho ako sa media industry, alam kong walang pag-asa ang isang ordinaryong mamamayan sa isang taong kagaya mong libo-libo ang pinapakilig araw-araw. Kaya lang, J, dumating ang araw na nakilala kita sa totoong buhay, na walang screen na kinakailangang pumagitan sa ating dalawa.
Dear blessed married/in a relationship ones,
On behalf of all of us, single beings, I've compiled some of your statements that we do not want to hear from you ever again. Kindly read, understand, and memorize in case you do not want to receive any of our frowns and smirks in the future:
We appreciate your concern. Thanks, but no thanks. You would probably never understand our lives as single beings but I can summarize it with just three words: WE ARE OK. So go on with your lives and stop questioning us.
single and happy Jazz
Happy Single Awareness every day ;-)
I have inspected all screens.
I have taped the edges of windows.
I have secured all the doors.
I have assembled fly traps and killers.
Hoping to catch you.
But here you are, still.
Still here from the very beginning.
You sneaky mosquito.
You little fellow.
Haaa! I weighed like the champion in your absence.
Or so I thought that you were all gone.
Maybe all that triumph was just a false pretense.
Have I known that you were still there,
hiding during daytime,
or escaping my scrutiny,
I should have built my walls an inch thicker,
sprayed repellents all over my place--
or even a thousand times with such obsessive compulsiveness
until I see you breathing your last huff and puff.
But Alas, here you are.
Circling my ears as I lay still
Over and over.
Buzzing the same sounds.
cutting my sleep.
You sneaky mosquito.
I am 30 years old, single, all of my siblings are married and 80% of my friends are either engaged or married. The common questions I'm confronted with nowadays are "Do you have a new boyfriend?" and “When will you get married?.”
Enter the mash-up of the grandfather's clock (tik tok tik tok) and The Jaws’ theme song (ten den den den den den den…boom!). For most people, I'm now in danger zone. The “menopause” of starting a new chapter in life. The fork of my dim road that would decide which path I’m going to traverse for the rest of my life: the bliss of wedded normalcy or the wretchedness of living the matandang dalaga life.
Cue an exact scene from Ms. Philippines Q&A portion:
Host: Do you feel the pressure?
And if I may utter the infamous quote from the beauty queen, let me plagiarize her exact line:
“No, I don’t feel any pressure right now (smiles)”
The whole point of this post is not to lament the barrage of prayers I've been getting, but to help single people like me who may be broken-hearted, desperate, lonely and hopeless, but could still rock the life of singlehood. So folks, if you happen to be single and you feel the pressure 24/7, don’t fret… ‘coz singlehood could also mean bliss (At least for me ;-)). So without further ado, let me share with you some of my tips on how to rock FREEEEEEDOOM!!!
1. If you’re feeling a little bit low on self-esteem, just look up on divorce rates, the number of your friends and relatives undergoing infidelity brouhaha, messy diapers and even messier time management (no more me time). Then, smile. Sometimes, singlehood is a blessing.
2. Kill the memory. If you've just been in a relationship or you can't get over your past, wallow in the agony. Cry megabuckets of tears but only for a week or two. Then, it's time to move on. Clean up the mess. Bury your old pictures, erase the sweet patweetums messages, distance your self from all associated eateries, theme songs and all those cheesy ties. Replace the bad memories with new ones.
3. Surround yourself with people who have positive outlook in life. Because the more you hang out with depressed people, the higher probability that you’ll live a depressed life too.
4. Work but don't overwork (or else you'll end up being a spinster). Work is the best cure to forget that you're single. Plus the more you work, the more money you could have. But then, learn how to party or else you'll end up being a lonely anti-social foreeeevahhh.
5. Cherish your independence. There’s nobody requiring you to update him/her, nobody to ask permission to, nobody to accuse you that you’re flirting, and nobody to give you that mean look when you accidentally stared into the eyes of a mysterious stranger. Look all you want, the freedom is yours.
6. Running low on endorphins because you miss the idea of being loved and being told all those superlative adjectives? The best solution is to RUN. It’s always the best cure for problems and low self-esteem. Run with your thoughts and upbeat music. Feel the speed and ward off those lonely thoughts. Running is all about your own self, your own pace, and the realization that being alone could also be fun! Plus, it makes you burn lots of calories, too!
7. Be comfortable with yourself but don't talk to yourself aloud in public. Most people who’ve just gotten out of long-time relationships get depressed because they’re not used to “living” alone. It’s alright not to depend on someone. Independence will always be best lived when you start getting to know yourself better.
8. Travel alone. It sounds scary at first but believe me, it’s one challenge you wanna experience in life. You get to meet a lot of people plus discover your self better.
9. Never feel sorry for yourself. Feeling ugly, unwanted, rejected and unloved? Hello, just because you’re single, it doesn’t mean that you’re despicable. There are plenty of meaningful and entertaining things to do than pity yourself (See #10).
10. Bored being single? Here’s my list of meaningful/entertaining things to keep you preoccupied:
a. Eat chocolates. But be sure to work out after.
b. Read books.
c. Learn a new sport.
d. Watch beautiful live music.
e. Hang out with your friends and family.
g. Think of a new business.
h. For ladies: Go to the gym and look at all those fine-looking men with badass abs all you want. But be careful 'coz the finer looking their faces and muscles are, the higher the probability that they're gay ;-) Or better yet, watch a triathlon or swimming to take a glimpse of hunks with well-defined calves and ooohlalah buns in fitted tri suits/skimpy trunks. (But let us not call ourselves maniacs, ok?)
11. Never settle for a man you don’t like out of desperation. Remember: It’s better to be a happy spinster than be a lonely wife/husband who’s never in love with her husband/wife from day one. Love with all the right standards and all the right reasons.
So next time they ask you the big question, answer loud and proud: "I'm single and I'm enjoying my freedom ;-)" (Translation: KEBER MO!)
Kung sino man ang darating,
maaaring dahan-dahanin mo ang ating pagkakilala.
Maaaring nasa loob ka ng iyong oto,
habang ako'y patawid.
Ika'y bubusina. Mga ganoong pangyayari ba.
Maaaring nasa magkabilang panig tayo ng LRT2,
at parehas na naghihintay lumuwag ang nagsisiksikang tren.
Maaaring nasa loob ng carinderia,
isang plato at papaitang kambing ang nasa hapag na pumapagitan sa atin.
Maaaring nasa dulo't dulo tayo ng kalsadang binabaybay natin parehas
sa isang malupit na gabing sabay nating tinakbo upang magpapawis.
Maaaring kaibigan ka ng kaibigan ng kaklase ng kapitbahay ng kaaway ko.
Maaaring bukas, Abril, Mayo, sa isang taon, at huwag naman sa susunod na dekada.
Basta bahala na kung paano,
Basta bahala na kung anumang pangyayari ang hahantong sa pagtatagpo nating dalawa,
at mga matatagumpay na eksenang susunod na huwag naman kahawig sa isang baduy na pelikula.
Kung saan mang lupalop ka ng mundo,
maghanda ka dahil mamahalin ka ng tulad kong romantika.
Pabaon ko ang libo libong damukal na bilyong mga aral na napulot,
mga mali, kasalanang tiyak kong itutuwid,
mga araw na ikatutuwa, ikagagalit, ikasusuklam, ikatatamis, ikalulungkot, ikasasabik mo kung bakit ba dumating pa ang araw na magkikita tayo.
Kung kailanman ang kasalukuyan,
hihintayin ko ito,
huwag ka lang magtatagal ng isa pang dekada.
basta ba sana'y mahalin mo rin ako ng todo todo,
intindihin ang aking mga kabaduyan, bolahin paminsan-minsan, lambingin, patawanin, pausbungin, sampalin sa katotohanan,
dahil ayoko nang mabigo ulit at maghintay na naman sa darating na isa na namang kasalukuyan.
Kung sino ka man,
alam kong darating ka.
Hanggang sa muli, sana.
*Sulat ng hopeless romantic sa ere, nagbabakasakaling marining ni kupido o ng Soulmate, kung mayroon ngang ganoon :)
Isa sa mga dilemma ng karamihan ay kung may taong magmamahal sa kanya. Kung mayroon man, mapapantayan ba nito ang pagmamahal niya?
Ang tanong: Nasusukat ba ang pag-ibig?
Kung nasusukat ito, ano ang sukatan? Kapag may mga pagkakataon bang pumalya s'ya ay masasabi mo na itong sapat na pruwebang hindi ka niya ganoon kamahal? Kung minsanan lang ang pagsambit ng ginintuang mga katagang "Mahal kita," tutukuyin mo na itong pagbabawas sa sukat?
Kung nasusukat ito, ano ang mas gugustuhin mo ang mas malaki ang pagmamahal sa iyo ng nagmamahal o mas malaki ang pagmamahal mo sa mamahalin? Sa mabuting aral, hindi ba paulit ulit sinasabing okay lang na hindi ibalik ang iyong binibigay? Basta ang importante raw ay magbigay ka ng magbigay. Ngunit sa totoong buhay, hindi ba't wala nga namang gustong magpalamang at magulangan? Maisasakatuparan mo ba ang pag-ibig kung hindi ka na iniibig? May silbi pa ba ito kung may nakaaangat sa pagbibigay?
At kung nasusukat nga talaga ito, may pantay ba talaga na pag-ibig? 'Yong tipong kung gaano mo sya kadalas maisip at kalalim unawain, ganoon din sya sa iyo? O kabalastugan lang ang ganitong klaseng pagkakapantay pantay? Lahat ba ay madamot sa larangan ng romansa?
Sa tingin ko, walang timbangan sa larangan ng pag-ibig. Kung mayroon man, wala na sigurong mga happy endings. Lagi at laging may lalamang kung susukatin. At kung may lalamang, edi ugat ito sa mga hidwaan. Kung may sukatan, baka lahat ay sugatan. Sabi nga sa sermon ng isang pari, "Kapag ang pag-ibig kinuwenta, nawawalan ng kwenta." Siguro maaaring umusbong, lumalim, malanta o hindi tumuloy --pero hindi ito nasusukat. At mas lalong hindi dapat sukatin.
Kaya kung ako sa'yo wag kang hihingi ng 1 Terabyte na pagmamahal.
Sa umpisa pa lang, bigo ka na.
May dingding sa inyong pagitan.
Hanggang dito ka lang, alam mo.
Pero pipilitin mong buhagin ang dingding,
maski 'sing tibay ng bakal na klase ito,
maski sabihing kahibangan ang pag-asa.
Mamalabisin mo pa rin ang dasal,
Pitong nobena kada linggo,
Walong baryang ihinahagis sa balon,
Siyam na sumakabilang buhay na panaginip na kayo at kayo,
Isang milyon kada segundong pagsambit ng kanyang pangalan.
Sana. Sana. Sana. Sana.
Kakatha ka ng sarili niyong kwento.
Susubakan mong pumuslit ka sa isang imahinaryong palasyo
Magtatakda ka ng panahon ng inyong pagtatagpo
Magmamalabis ka alangalang sa pagbubuwag
ng isa pang dangkal kada dangkal.
Gusto mong takpan ang kahibangang ito
Pipilitin mo s'yang kalimutan
Magpapakadalubhasa sa lahat ng bagay
Kikilalanin ang iba, gagawa ng robot na kaparis niya
Ngunit uulit ng uulit ang mga dasal
kahibangan dasal kahibangan
dasal kahibangan dasal
kahibangan kahibangan kahibangan.
Sa paglaon ng sikulo,
mauunawaan mo na hindi maiuuwi ng panahon ang lahat,
Dahil sa pagdanas mo ng pait,
maaalala mo na sa umpisa pa lang, bigo ka na nga pala.
Follow me @fartherfurther