We said that we were not the commitment type
We were just passing through
like everybody else waiting
to board the train
killing time
without any clear
destination
and so we held hands locked lips said hello goodnight hello goodbye hello again during nights when we long for another soul to feel human during days when we need to cling to someone else to feel less empty and in between nights and days and in between days and nights when we just need to escape those volatile hours untying that passion only passion only mad passion without those grotesque clingy feelings because we said that we were not the commitment type
Yet,
You called me day in and day out,
when I only expected drunk txts.
You squeezed my hand,
when I only needed a hold.
You remembered tiny details about my life,
when it should have only been my whispers.
You kissed me on my forehead,
when I only assumed a see you soon.
You looked me in the eye and affirmed my thoughts,
when I only pined for your warm cradle.
You stayed even in sunny days,
when I only needed you while it was raining outside.
You talked about our future,
when there should have never been an “our” sitting beside future.
You slowly drew me in,
in a world where attachments should not exist
for we said that we were not the commitment type
Ergo without me knowing, feelings— tiny grotesque clingy feelings turned into uncontrollable monsters. Open-ended days turned into steady days of anticipation. My callousness turned into fragile emotions. And there we were, longing for each other, yearning, and more yearning. Denying the fact that we were getting attached
for we said that we were not the commitment type.
And adios.
You just left one day when I finally had the courage to tell you that with you, I am turning into the commitment type.
You said that I should recall that you were not the commitment type
But I accepted my mistakes—
To surrender feelings to a clear-cut end.
To get attached to something drifting away.
To think that it was love when it was just fleeting.
To trust forgetting,
When we said over and over that we were not the commitment type
But alas, two months after you left me, you shouted to the world with finality:
you
are
in
a
relationship.
I guess that I am unlike everybody else waiting to board the train:
I am just a stopover to reach your destination
For you are only not the commitment type
with
me.