Una sa lahat, sasabihin ko na baka mas ‘masaklap’ pa ang aking kalagayan kaysa sa’yo. Halos anim na taon na akong single. Tatlong Valentine’s Day na rin ang nakalipas na ‘matamlay’ ang aking hapunan sa pinaka-kinasusuklaman mong araw. Animnapu’t apat na lalaki (Oo, binilang ko ngayon!) na ang aking na-date alang-alang sa aking paghahanap ng ‘The One.’ Hindi ko na mabilang kung gaano karami na ang lalaking nagpakirot ng aking puso. Ako siguro ‘yung huling taong aasahan mong naniniwala pa sa pag-ibig.
I have been stalking you for quite some time now.
My fingers have memorized each letter of your name out of habit.
I have picked up tiny bits and pieces of you as if those are clues and trails of your character.
And somehow, I feel like I already know you.
Just so you know, I have examined you carefully--
I signed up for a full marathon last August, just because I wanted to feel that euphoria of crossing the finish line.
As a writer for a sports show, I've written about it too many times in my life. But I never knew the actual feeling of 42.195 kilometers. The closest I got to a full mary was 33 kilometers of trail, when my evil diarrhea successfully 'DNFed' my 50-kilometer trail race.
After bouts of asthma and laziness, I finally got crazy and signed up for TBR Dream Marathon. Suddenly, I had something to look forward to.
People ask me why I write sad poems.
I choose to remember the pain, the longing, and all the despairing feelings I have held on to, for the happy world around me has been painted with too much hues. I am afraid that it can no longer contain my words bursting with colors.
I hate being a girl sometimes.
During days when I’m trapped with too much feelings
Emotion after emotion swirling and swirling
Turning me into a disgusting, cowering, delicate, and fragile monster
I am in total surrender to every turn of my hormonal blend
I am a slave to this brutal switch that breaks from one mood to another
I am caught in the tides
I have lost control.
A sunset view. A camel ride. Sand dunes. And festive music.
Who wouldn't want to skip this lovely combination?
Prior to my trip in India, I have only seen a camel once in my entire life... and the poor animal was just confined inside a zoo. So when I learned that India has the 18th largest desert in the world called Thar Desert or The Great Indian Desert, I knew that I had to include it in our itinerary.
I can still vividly remember that first day--
A Norah Jones song strumming in a nearby bar
How we both have grinning eyes as we watched fire dancers steal the show
That kiss that dissolved the taste of pale beer
The sound of kids laughing at two adults oblivious of passers-by
And how you stared at me with certainty
We will see each other over and over again.
I can still vividly remember that last day--
Alexi Murdoch playing on your speaker
How I cried for no reason
That trickle of your kiss that momentarily consoled me
The sound of last call for boarding
And how you gazed at me with finality
We will forever be apart.
”Pain is temporary. Quitting is forever”
I’ve heard this mantra in races but I did not realize that this can also be applied in the search for my elusive soulmate... by the generous people around me. Temporary pain brought by their unwavering hunt for “the one.” And with six long years of their dedicated prayers and blind date suggestions, it seems that the world will not quit on my ‘lonesome’ heart.
Being single can be funny, especially when you’re surrounded by concerned citizens who are trying their best to end my (non-existent) misery.
I spent 100 rupees to become 'Indian.'
It's the cheapest and sweetest amount I've paid to 'experience' a 'change of nationality' for 15 minutes. But before I share with you my story of becoming an 'Indian,' I would like to take you to Jaisalmer Fort, the place where I got to wear my Indian chameleon and the one I consider as one of the most beautiful forts that I've seen in this lifetime.
There is always a pattern
How x, y, z, and other variables, once upon a time, will pop into my life--
That familiar first look
The exchange of how are yous
Those carefully chosen words desiring to impress
That flirtatious gaze
The reciprocity of knowing
That unspeakable spark when the hand finds its way to my clasp for the first time— again.
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