Una sa lahat, sasabihin ko na baka mas ‘masaklap’ pa ang aking kalagayan kaysa sa’yo. Halos anim na taon na akong single. Tatlong Valentine’s Day na rin ang nakalipas na ‘matamlay’ ang aking hapunan sa pinaka-kinasusuklaman mong araw. Animnapu’t apat na lalaki (Oo, binilang ko ngayon!) na ang aking na-date alang-alang sa aking paghahanap ng ‘The One.’ Hindi ko na mabilang kung gaano karami na ang lalaking nagpakirot ng aking puso. Ako siguro ‘yung huling taong aasahan mong naniniwala pa sa pag-ibig.
I hate being a girl sometimes.
During days when I’m trapped with too much feelings
Emotion after emotion swirling and swirling
Turning me into a disgusting, cowering, delicate, and fragile monster
I am in total surrender to every turn of my hormonal blend
I am a slave to this brutal switch that breaks from one mood to another
I am caught in the tides
I have lost control.
”Pain is temporary. Quitting is forever”
I’ve heard this mantra in races but I did not realize that this can also be applied in the search for my elusive soulmate... by the generous people around me. Temporary pain brought by their unwavering hunt for “the one.” And with six long years of their dedicated prayers and blind date suggestions, it seems that the world will not quit on my ‘lonesome’ heart.
Being single can be funny, especially when you’re surrounded by concerned citizens who are trying their best to end my (non-existent) misery.
Online dating still carry a stigma especially in a ‘conservative’ country like the Philippines. If you tell your friends or relatives that you’re dating a guy you’ve met online, I’m sure that at least 80% of them will raise an eyebrow. Most people see this modern type of dating as desperate, shallow, creepy, and dangerous.
I also used to dislike the idea of it… until my friends forced me to sign up on Tinder :-P At first it was entertaining for me, seeing funny narcissistic photos and learning about the often predictable conversational lines of men. And then, without me knowing the effects of those evil apps, swiping profiles became a habit for me (especially while pooping bwahahaha).
And while plenty of people have bad stereotypes on online dating, we should embrace the fact that these modern-day apps are now 1) widely used by millennials and 2) great tools to find whatever dates you’re looking for.
Just like any kind of dating (speed dating, dating someone you danced with in a bar, dating your admirer, etc.), online dating has its pros & cons and your Tita Jazz will let you know why you should and why you should not try it out:
We said that we were not the commitment type
We were just passing through
like everybody else waiting
to board the train
without any clear
and so we held hands locked lips said hello goodnight hello goodbye hello again during nights when we long for another soul to feel human during days when we need to cling to someone else to feel less empty and in between nights and days and in between days and nights when we just need to escape those volatile hours untying that passion only passion only mad passion without those grotesque clingy feelings because we said that we were not the commitment type
I really hated Algebra when I was in high school. The only thing I remember enjoying about it is when I learned about Venn diagrams. Maybe because I'm a very visual person and I love seeing drawings and colors ;)
Anyway, as a single person who has been asked WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE too many times, I would like to apply some Algebra in order to solve your eternal non-mathematical question.
*Forgive my poor drawing and handwriting. I tried my best! ;-)
1. POOR DATING POOL
Hindi na ako naghahanap ng isang lalaking marunong gumamit ng din at rin,
Basta ba alam n’ya ang wastong pagbuo ng mga salitang magpapangiti sa’kin.
Hindi na ako naghahanap ng isang lalaking may six-pack abs at machong katawan,
Basta ba lagi siyang handang ihilig ang kanyang balikat na masasandalan.
Hindi na ako naghahanap ng isang lalaking may guwapong mukhang lilingunin,
Basta ba kaya n’ya ‘kong harapin, at laging ako ang pipiliin at iibigin,
Hindi na ‘ko naghahanap ng isang lalaking may PHD sa magandang eskwelahan,
Basta ba marunong s’yang umunawa, matuto, at magbigay-kulay sa mga talakayan.
‘Di na ‘ko naghahanap ng ‘sang lalaking ang bawat dampi’y pawang mga umaapoy na kiliti,
Basta ba ang kanyang mga titig, kapit, yapos, at halik— sa akin ay walang kapagurang babati.
Hindi na 'ko naghahanap ng isang lalaking may mga talinghagang 'di nagsasawa,
Basta ba marunong s'yang makitungo, makisama, at magpahalaga sa kanyang kapwa.
Hindi na ako naghahanap ng isang lalaking swak sa mahabang listahan ko ng katangiang perpekto,
Basta ba sa mundo niya at mundo ko ay hindi na maghahanap pa; dahil kami ay kuntento na sa sakto.
Dating can be tricky. It can be a tiring guessing game of "Does he/she like me?" and most importantly--- "Is he/she a jowa (long-term relationship) material?"
There's no sure formula but there are plenty of signs that can help you determine if your date is indeed jowa material:
1. You feel comfortable with him.
You're ok to smell each other's farts. You're not afraid to tell him your deepest darkest secrets. You can open up about almost anything. You're ok to go out with him even with your ugliest no-makeup-no-japorms-no-filter-state. You can share your shallow and stupid thoughts with each other. His presence does not intimidate you. You are your self even if he makes your heart flutter. You don't have to pretend that you're someone else or put your best foot forward just to please him
Breakups, getting 'friendzoned', one-way romances, rejected loves and waking up from imaginary mutual love affairs can be the most tragic and painful part of your beating, feeling, and sensitive heart. It makes you feel like you’re Shakespeare, the most unloved drifting plankton, or a demented suicidal teen with nothing to look forward to in life. Sometimes it takes a long time to let go, forget, and recover from heartbreaks. We’re humans with emotions after all :)
As your #TitaOfManila who had suffered from crushes who do not know that I exist, #paasaLoves, and one-way romances that got me feeling emo and scarred for a short time, I made a list on how you can get first aid treatment from your heart tragedy:
1. Make a list of his flaws and a list on why you’ll never be a great pair.
It sounds evil but it helps. Sometimes the best way to recover is to believe and understand why you do not deserve each other.
2. Look for great distractions. Transform brokenness into inspiration.
Divert your heartbreaks into something more productive-- in the form of vying for the employee of the year award, crushes, books, movies, art, poetry, hobbies, workouts. Sometimes heartbreaks can turn into beautiful motivations in life.
3. Never blame yourself and do not over-analyze.
Do not pity yourself and be bitter. Do not get mad at yourself. Do not sulk with the useless “what if’s” and “what have I done wrong.” Be reminded that sometimes things aren’t just meant to be. Appreciate your happy moments and let go.
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