I hate being a girl sometimes.
During days when I’m trapped with too much feelings
Emotion after emotion swirling and swirling
Turning me into a disgusting, cowering, delicate, and fragile monster
I am in total surrender to every turn of my hormonal blend
I am a slave to this brutal switch that breaks from one mood to another
I am caught in the tides
I have lost control.
These are the days when you need to understand me.
I am a woman, even when I pretend to be tough like you.
I smother like a mother with too much love to give
I plant you with kisses
I soothe you with my lullabies
I indulge you with my warmth
I nurture you with sweet words
I drown you with my admiration
But forgive me as sometimes I am reduced to a vulnerable weakling
I am a shipwreck of aches, oversensitivity, and yearning too
I tailspin into moments of neediness
I cling so desperately for your attention
I suffocate you with my burning desire
I crave for nothing but mad love
I hound you for your affirmation
I quench for your reassurance
Please realize that it isn’t easy being paralyzed with a woman’s soul
I despise this version of myself–
the one who weeps oceans
the one who forgets her worth
the one who exaggerates trivial things
the one who sounds like a corny pop song
the one who romanticizes each moment, all for you
the one who lives as if she only exists for you
I am too much.
And I never meant to be this gooey creature possessed with feelings.
I hate being a girl sometimes.
For it would have been easier to be a guy like you.
In a snap, I could just forget and move on.
But hey, I am just a woman and I’m caught with repulsive cobwebs of love and longing, love and longing, love and longing.
I am trapped with the thought of how much I miss you.
Alas, my deranged hormones.