It was not too long ago when we were kids filling up autograph books with our ambitions. Funny how our ambitions turn into something else. We imagine ourselves to be this and that but sooner or later we find out that we love other things… or it is best to play safe and deviate from our wildest dreams… or our ambitions simply die with time.
I have dreamt of becoming almost all professions in this world yet up to now, I don’t know what to do in life. I change my ambitions too often that I’m a bit confused on what path to take. I get frustrated when I want to be this and that but I know that I couldn’t because of certain constraints that couldn’t be avoided. It is quite strange that I have had simple ordinary but wild dreams when I was a kid and how those turned into vague “open-ended” ambitions.
As a kid, I dreamt of too many professions. I hoped to become a magician for how many months. I performed tricks of transforming 2-ply tissue papers into 2 separate tissue papers. I imagined my cousins and Lolo to be amazed with my talent. I felt that I was the only one who discovered the magical separation of 2-ply tissue papers. Then one day, while I showcased my talent of letting Mastermind pieces disappear inside my nostrils, my nose bled and my Papa had to accompany me to the hospital. The magician in me suddenly died away with the Mastermind piece left on the doctor’s tray as my siblings laughed at my magic mishap.
I dreamt of becoming a soldier instead, inspired by G. I. Jane's fine-looking blouses. I aspired to combat enemies and the evil with my special powers and my speedy bike. But after my parents bought me a black medical bag, I forgot about my G.I. ambition and dreamt of becoming a doctor instead. I would always carry my bag even inside the shopping mall. I would craft monologues with my imaginary patients, even putting plastic band aids and plasters on my stuffed toys. For a long time, I was so decided to pursue a medical career even boasting to my Titos and Titas that I would follow the footsteps of my Lolo and Ninong. I do not know what happened with that dream but after how many years, I developed a phobia of the blood and upto now, I faint whenever doctors get blood sample from me.
I also remember envisioning myself to become the Little Miss Philippines. I practiced lines and songs and hoped to become the next Aiza Segguerra. My parents would always say that I was still too young and that I must wait for another year. After how many years have passed, I became old and convinced that maybe I was an ugly duckling and winning a talent contest was not my destiny.
Next, I wanted to become a gasoline girl, envying the job of our gasoline boys. I would always persuade my Papa to let me be one of the gasoline boys but that didn’t happen and soon enough, I became allergic to the smell of gasoline. I also wanted to become a cashier and luckily, my mother let me be the youngest cashier in our grocery store. Our customers were so amazed how the 10-year-old in me could punch prices with such speed. But then, soon enough, I got tired of prices of products and faces of customers.
At some point in my life, I also dreamt of becoming a traffic aide. I don’t know why but it must have been their stunning commands of “stop and go” that lured me to dream of becoming one of them. Then, several years after, I got my wish granted and became an MMDA for our philosophy class for twelve hours. It was one of my best and scary experiences in life yet I was convinced not to dream of stopping huge full-size buses and trucks.
As a kid, I also dreamt of becoming a newscaster. I love it when European reporters in their well-tailored blazers enunciate words with such brilliance. But I don’t have a talent in speaking so I had to bid farewell to this lifetime dream.
I also dreamt of becoming a “hacker” or a “computer expert” after watching Sandra Bullock in a computer thriller. She’s one of the main reasons why I’m stuck with I.T. Blame it on her! Now, programming isn’t one of the things that I love yet I’m paid to do it. And it’s all because of that silly Hollywood movie that pulled me into this lovely mess.
One of these days my career counsellor would ask me to set about my target for the next fiscal year. To become a software engineer? An analyst? That doesn’t sound appealing to me. I want to become a rockstar instead (but I don’t sing that well and I don’t have a band) or a tour guide/DOTC official in this lovely country (but that wouldn’t pay my materialistic worldly needs) or a businesswoman selling girly clothes and accessories (but I don’t have capital) or this or that... I have too plenty of ambitions with so many BUTs. Oh well, might as well make the most of being a "Sandra Bullock" trapped insided the Planet Dynpro. Err.